He sees you

One Year as a Missionary

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I was sick but our friends are awesome!

This week was a strange one for sure. I've been sick all week, so everything has felt like a fever dream haha. Here's some of the highlights, though:

Graciela, Juseli, and their family are so awesome! We went over on Monday night to have a lesson with them, and we brought 2 members with us: George and Nico Amyradakis. Nico is one of the young men in the ward, and we wanted him to get to know Pablo, Juseli's son. The lesson was great, and Graciela has been reading the Book of Mormon!! She told us all about Lehi & Nephi, and Hermano Amyradakis was absolutely blown away. I would definitely say that our miracle for the week was how many of our friends have been reading the Book of Mormon!

Speaking of which, Rosalba is so awesome!! A while back we had a lesson with her & a member, and the member said "Heavenly Father gives us 24 hours every day. Certainly we can give him 5 minutes." Ever since then, Rosalba has been reading and studying so much! She also really loves the story of the First Vision, so we sent her the video. She watched it, and loved it! She told us she watched the video on YouTube and then started exploring more, and we got scared that she had run into some anti, but then she told us she actually watched Joseph Smith, the Prophet of the Restoration! That's a whole 90 minute movie that the church made and she watched it all!! She was telling us about it and literally started to cry because she was so impacted by the story. She said she would like to be baptized someday, but doesn't feel ready yet. Please pray for her, that she can keep progressing and growing in her faith!

Another friend we are teaching is Dana. She is a Venezuelan Muslim (the first one that I've ever met, or even heard of). She likes to read and was very interested in the Book of Mormon! She's really sweet. She's like 26, so it's easy to be friends with her. I'm really curious to see how she progresses. She's pretty set in her beliefs, which include Christ being a prophet but not necessarily the Savior, nor the Creator. But, I have faith that if she will read the Book of Mormon with real intent, and pray about it, that she will come to know that it is true, and therefore understand that Jesus is the Christ, the Savior of the world:)

If anyone has any tips on how to teach a Muslim, please send them my way!! I've never really taught someone without a Christian or Catholic background.

I wont give you a rundown on our whole teaching pool, but let me just tell you: we have some really cool friends right now:)

We also had MLC this week!! I love MLC. It was strange this time, though. Because all of the people that were once my leaders are now home from their missions, so everyone at MLC is pretty much from my generation of the mission, or even younger. It's strange. I don't feel like I've been here that long, yet somehow I have. Anyway, MLC was good! We got to have a good discussion and make some exciting goals & plans! Keep your eyes out for miracles from the FOM!!

Also. Happy Halloween!!

Small Plates 

He sees you.

It's weird, being a missionary. 

You stand out like no one else.

It feels like your every move is being watched, measured, and analyzed. 

Yet, at times it feels that you couldn't be more invisible. 

Allow me to explain: to be a missionary is to be a full-time representative of Jesus Christ and His church. We dress differently. We do things that most other 20-year-olds aren't doing. The people who don't know us can't help but feel curious. The people who think they know us feel that they can make a fair judgment of what we think and want. Our mission leaders, our companions,–all of the people who know us best– are watching out for us, while at the same time analyzing us, seeing where we can improve and thinking about how to help us do so. We're constantly reflecting: on our strengths, our weaknesses, our goals, our shortcomings. Every move you make is observed. 

On the other hand, being a missionary also makes you invisible. We take away our names, our hobbies, our fashion sense, our music, and at times pieces of our personality for the sake of maintaining the dignity we ought to have as His representatives. We're observed, watched, looked at. But although people watch us, sometimes it feels that we aren't seen. Not for who we really are, at least. 

Even we, as individuals, often don't see ourselves truly. We are too harsh on ourselves, too quick to notice the flaws. We are slow to recognize strengths and talents and progress. We can observe 100% of ourselves, and choose to only focus our attention on the things we don't like, or wish we could change. 

Being so meticulously observed and judged doesn't feel good. At the same time, feeling invisible might be worse. Living a life full of both experiences can make you feel like climbing into your bed and hiding, or shouting at the top of your lungs until someone hears you, or running as far and as fast as you can just to see for yourself if the grass really is greener on the other side. Maybe it feels like a little bit of each, all at the same time. 

I imagine that these feelings aren't unique to me, nor are they unique to missionaries. In fact, I know they are not. 

I knew others were feeling that same invisibility I have felt, because as our Sunday School teacher, Brother Eckert, taught the class yesterday, tears filled nearly every eye in that room. And that's when I knew. I am not the only one who feels this way. I realized as I sat between two of my favorite sisters in the ward and hugged them both as they cried, that this world could use a little less judgment, analysis, and watching. It needs more seeing, as the Savior sees. That Sunday school class is the reason I'm writing this today. Because if there is anyone out there who is feeling the same way that I, and those dear sisters in my ward, have felt: I hope this helps. 

This week I've (re)learned a lot about how the Savior sees.

I've learned that there is someone who really does see us for who we are. Christ knows us better than we know ourselves. That's because He knows who we were before this life. He knows who we have the potential to be. He knows the pain, and sorrow, and frustration we are feeling along the way, because He felt those things first. He knows all of our imperfections. He knows where we fall short, as we so frequently do. And He still loves us. No matter who we are, or where we've been, or what we've done. He loves us. 

Every step of the way. 

We can learn a little lesson from the Creation: after each day of creating the Earth, what does God say?

It was good.

The first time he said "it is good," the earth was nothing more than a big rock. But He still saw the good. He saw that the big rock was a huge step closer to the Creation He had envisioned. He saw progress. 

He worked hard, day after day, to make this world better than it was the day before. And He saw the good each and every day. 

He's doing the same thing with you, you know. 

You are good. Your Father in Heaven is proud of who you are becoming. But, you're not there yet. So, He is going to keep working on you. He's going to make you better. 

But don't allow yourself to be overwhelmed by your lack! He didn't look at a day 1 earth and exclaim, "ah!! Why can't it just have all of the herbs and plants and animals already?!?" 

No. He saw the good on day 1. And again on day 2. Each day was its own form of good. And each day built upon the day before it. So it is with us. 

He does see our lack. But more importantly, He sees our potential, and knows exactly how to get us to where He wants us to be: with Him. 

He sees us. 

For who we really are and who we really can become. 

You may be wondering what it is that made our Sunday school lesson so impactful. Our discussion was about a well-known story in the Gospel of Luke, chapter 7.  

Luke tells a story about Christ eating with a Pharisee. As they dined, a woman entered in, uninvited. She wasn't just any woman, either. 

She was a sinner. 

Big-time, too. 

She knew it. 

And so did everyone else there. 

No one knew that better than Christ. 

Yet, she entered in, and washed Jesus' feet with her tears. The Pharisee, whose dinner she just interrupted, observed her. His observation led to a judgement--one that was completely valid to him. 

He thought to himself, if Jesus only knew who it was that is touching His feet, he wouldn't allow her to do so. Maybe He doesn't know. Maybe he isn't the prophet He says He is, after all. How can He not know what this woman has done?

Jesus, knowing the thoughts of this Pharisee, responded aloud with a parable about judgement, and about divine forgiveness. He explained that this woman loved Him because He is the One who had freed her, forgiven her. 

After chatting a moment with his dinner company, he asks a simple question:

Seest thou this woman?

It wasn't a question about if the Pharisee had good eyesight. Or if the woman was in his line of sight. No. 

Do you see her?

Or are you just observing her? Judging her? 

Christ saw this woman. He knew her sins. He knew her lack. But that's not what he saw. He saw her for who she really was, and who she really could be. 

Do you see yourself? 

Or are you just observing, judging? Can you see yourself the way Christ sees you? 

He sees 100% of the picture. He knows your past. Your mistakes, your trials, your pain, your imperfections. He sees it all. And guess what? At the end of each and every day, He takes a step back and sees what we have done, and what He has done in us. And then?

It is good. 

He sees the good. Every. Single. Day. Because you are becoming who He knows you can be, who He wants you to be. It's an infinite process. It doesn't end. But that's the beauty of it. We're never going to cross some finish line and plateau in our progress. Because His grace is just that infinite and that powerful. It will carry us every step of the way, forever and ever. 

And He'll be with us every step of the way. We are seen by him. We are fully known. We are completely loved. We are not judged by Him the way we are judged by the rest of the world. And we are not invisible to Him. 

He knows you. He loves you. He is with you. 

He sees you. 

Teaching is a way of life, and I am learning His way every day

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I love our friends and I love baptism and I love Hispanic culture (and food hehe)

Wowza it was a busy week out here in the FOM. We taught so many incredible people this week. Rosalba is progressing so well! She has so many good questions and is already thinking about baptizing her ancestors in the temple, even though she hasn't been baptized herself. She's so busy, so it's not always possible for her to come to church. Please pray that her Sundays become more available and that church becomes a higher priority in her life!

Graciela and Juseli have been doing so good at keeping their commitments. They have been reading from the Book of Mormon and they even watched some of the videos! We went over a couple times this week and one of the times, Juseli pulled out a whole page of notes about the restoration and she literally taught the whole lesson. These people are elect. 

We also taught Wendy a couple of times this week. I don't know if I've talked about her yet, but she's cool! She's pretty hard to read. That could be because we always have to teach her after a long day of work, so she's tired. She was taught in the past, by a couple of Hermanas that I actually know & have served around! When they were teaching her, she wasn't quite ready to accept the gospel. But this Friday as we were teaching her, it became very apparent to us that she already had a testimony of a lot of the things we hadn't even taught her yet. She told us that any time someone tells her that the Mormons worship Joseph Smith, or anything along those lines, she corrects them and testifies of what is true. I felt like she was probably more converted than we had previously thought. I started to ask her if she believed these things were true. She said yes. So, we asked her if she wanted to be a part of the church that had the fullness of the gospel, even Christ's church on the earth today. She said yes! She accepted the goal of being baptized on November 12th!! So please please pray that she can continue forward and continue learning and growing so she can be prepared for that day!

I'm not going to write about everyone we taught--I promise this is the last one. We met an awesome family this week! The mom's name is Noemiz and her daughter's name is Noeliz (that's even more confusing than my family's names, right?) They went to church with a friend a while back and they want to learn more about the Gospel! They're really nice and gave us cookies. I'm excited to keep teaching them!

Last but not least, this Saturday night was maybe the best saturday night of my life. It was a strange combination: a baptism and a Hispanic culture celebration. 

The baptism was actually historical! Diego is the first member to be baptized into the newly formed Davenport group. The group was formed when I came into this area 3 months ago. The members of the group all belong to our ward, they just meet in a different building for geographical reasons. The dream is for the group to become big enough to be a branch! Diego is building up Zion!! He is seriously so converted. He bore his testimony after his baptism and it was seriously so powerful. Good things are happening out here.

After his baptism, we had our ward's annual Noche de Hispanidad!! Everyone brought food from their countries and shared things about their cultures! Some people shared poems or stories about their country, and quite a few even danced (myself included! We did the Cotton Eyed Joe ) it was so fun and so yummy! And you better believe I slept so well the next night. 

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Teaching is a way of life, and I am learning His way every day. 

This week we really focused on our goal of teaching 30 lessons every week, which was an invitation given to us by Elder Bowen. 30 lessons in a week certainly isn't easy but I have faith that it is attainable! For reference, when I first got to this area, we were teaching about 5 lessons a week. This last month or so, we have been teaching 10-15. So, a jump all the way to 30 is definitely a stretch. I only give the numbers so you can understand what exactly the goal is and how much it is making us stretch. Maybe for those of you also serving missions, 30 lessons is nothing. Or maybe it seems impossible. Either way, it's not important. My intention here is not to compare myself to anyone but my past self:)

In our efforts to teach more, we often found ourselves teaching random people in the streets, which I have done before but not at this frequency or at this level of boldness. It's been really fun. In our zone conference, Elder Bowen said something along the lines of, "finding people to teach shouldn't be a scheduled missionary activity. It should be a way of life." 

This week has reminded me a lot of the story in Helaman 10, when the Lord spoke unto the prophet Nephi. He gives him power and instruction, and then we read the following: "it came to pass that when the Lord had spoken these words unto Nephi, he did stop and did not go unto his own house, but did return unto the multitudes who were scattered about upon the face of the land, and began to declare unto them the word of the Lord which had been spoken unto him." 

Nefi, rather than being weighed down by the responsibility and returning home just to think for a bit about it all, went out into the world to share everything he knew, including the things he had just learned as was still probably wrapping his head around. 

"Thus he did go forth in the Spirit, from multitude to multitude, declaring the word of God, even until he had declared it unto them all." This was a personal goal I had this week: talk to everyone, and teach them the gospel if at all possible. It's cool because we can trust in the Spirit to testify of whatever we teach, so not being afraid to share the gospel with people isn't just a way of inviting them to learn more. It's an invitation to feel the spirit if their hearts aren't hardened. 

It's also an opportunity for us as missionaries to feel the spirit more often in our lives. For me, one of the fruits of the Spirit is joy. I have felt so much joy this week as we have met new people and helped them draw closer to their Savior by learning about Him and His gospel. Of course, that isn't something new in my life. I've been doing that full time for a year now. But wow. Teaching this often & this fearlessly has been so fun! On those days where we were able to teach in the streets, I really felt like the Savior and His apostles. I feel like as I have been less afraid to just preach the gospel wherever I am, that I have developed greater love for the people of Orlando, and increased confidence in myself. 

The point of me telling you all this is more than anything to express the joy of sharing the gospel. Let finding and teaching people about the gospel become a way of living, like Elder Bowen taught us missionaries. That doesn't mean every member of the Church needs to be going door to door telling people that Joseph Smith is the prophet of our dispensation. It can be so much more real, so much more genuine than that. Share the gospel because you love people. 

A sweet woman in our ward this week, one of my favorite members, reached out to us and asked if we could go with her to bring her friend a Book of Mormon. When we got there, we introduced ourselves, and then Hermana Bori, the member, gave her friend the book and bore a sweet and simple testimony. She told her that as her friend, it's hard to watch her struggle through her trials (she has cancer), but that she knows the Book of Mormon will be a blessing in her life. She testified that Christ lives and that we learn more about Him in the Book of Mormon than in any other book. That was it. It was that simple. Because Hermana Bori loves her friend, she wanted to share something with her that had blessed her own life. 

That's what I mean when I say being a missionary ought to be a way of life. What we have blesses people. It changes people. But no one will know of the power of His gospel in their lives if we never give them the opportunity to receive it. 

The Exemplar

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Mission tour & Adolfo's baptism!

This week was so good! It started off on an exchange with Sister Stone, one of my very favorite people in the whole wide world. I got to go serve in the Hunters Creek Portuguese area, which is in the same geographical area as my first area. The only difference is that they speak Portuguese and I spoke Spanish. It was really fun to be in familiar territory and to be around Sister Stone! She & I were in the same district for a really long time, so we know each other very well and we had such a fun day together on exchanges! The highlight for sure was our lesson with Adolfo. He got baptized this saturday, so our lesson with him was one of his last before his baptism. The lesson was so fun because we had 2 Brasilians, 2 Americans, and 1 Hispanic all trying to speak each other's languages. It was really good Portuguese practice for me! I had so much fun following & participating in the conversation in 3 different languages haha. Adolfo is really awesome. I've been hearing about him for almost my whole mission, and I finally got to meet him! To make it even better, his daughter Isabela made stroganoff and it was SO GOOD. All in all it was a perfect night. 

The next morning, we had our Mission Leadership Council in preparation for the mission tour! It was incredible. Zone conference was a few days later. Elder Bowen and Elder Morrison are both so inspired. Here's a few of the highlights from both days:

-4 Cs to avoid: comparison, competition, criticizing, and complaining. They all drive away the spirit

-"who had a PhD in complaining? Laman and Lemuel!!" -Elder Morrison, very enthusiastically, and in his cool accent. 

-angels hear you bear your testimony and they rejoice in you. As you bear testimony, the Sanctifier cleanses you. 

-don't be like the cursed fig tree. Don't just make it look like you carry good fruit. Bear the fruits of obedience, diligence, and faith. Don't pretend to be who you want to be. Just be. 

-don't allow yourself to live with false limitations.

-don't be a stupid flea" (ask me if you want to understand the analogy)

-"We have no room for crabs in this group." (Again, ask for the analogy. It's a good one.)

-you're weird. If you get done with your mission and stop being weird--if you fit in in this world, shame on you."

-rise to a new level of commitment 

-you are an astonishing missionary

-he will stretch you & help you grow into something more, something better 

Something else I learned, without anyone really saying it, is the power of speaking intentionally. Elder Bowen is such an incredible example of that for me. In everything he shared with us, he was clear and concise and inspiring. I was blessed to be able to sit by him and his dear wife at lunch at MLC and the way he presented himself in front of the council was the same way that he carries himself in a day-to-day conversation. You can just feel his wisdom in every word. Now, I don't have nearly as much wisdom as he does, but I would like to start living in a more dignified and intentional way. I'm not sure exactly what that is going to look like for me, but I'm going to try my best:)

We taught a lot of awesome lessons this week, but I don't have the time to write about them all, nor do you have the time to read about them all. But, I do want to ask you to pray for Rosalba, Graciela, Juseli, Stefanny, and Hernan! They're all so awesome and growing & learning so much. They just need confirmation from the Holy Ghost about how true and incredible this gospel is!!

Last but not least, we went to Adolfo's baptism! It was so so good!! It was all in Portuguese, but us Spanish speakers understood it well enough. The Creole speaking Elders, on the other hand? They were a little lost, haha. I'm so happy for Adolfo. I've been hearing about him & his progress & his struggles for most of my mission, and then I finally got to participate in one of his lessons this Tuesday. The gospel changes lives, and it's beautiful to see time after time. 

Rosalba came with us to his baptism and she had a really good experience! She saw the temple, which is just across the street from the chapel he was baptized in, so we had a really good conversation about temples and eternal families. She has lost some loved ones in recent years and the concept of baptisms for the dead was really powerful for her! Again, please pray that she can know the church is true!!

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The Exemplar 

I learned so many lessons this week. It's hard to pick just one to share. I already shared many of the principles I was taught throughout the mission tour, so I'm not going to review those again. 

Rather, I'll tell you what a week in the life of a Florida Orlando missionary taught me. It's something the mission has taught me before, and something I'm sure I'll learn again and again. 

I don't know if this is a common pattern for other missionaries, but something I notice in myself after things like zone conferences. I leave the conference feeling so pumped up and motivated and capable, and normally that feeling lasts for a while. 

The day after the zone conference, I was on fire. We went out into the world and I talked to everyone I saw, not caring how they reacted or if they judged us. We had a lot of success! I was on a motivational high all day, trying my best to do the things Elder Bowen taught us to do. Although, I didn't ever use the "are you a member of the Church of Jesus Christ of Latter-Day Saints?... why not?" Approach. The spirit didn't tell me to, like He told Elder Bowen to this week. Funny story. 

Anyway, I was happy, we were busy, I felt successful. I felt empowered by my efforts to follow the counsel we were given. 

But then, as per this pattern I'm talking about, there's a low. I woke up the next day with way less energy and motivation. It's not that I no longer wanted to do the work, either. This is important to me and every day that passes teaches me that my days are numbered here. 

I tried to make myself feel better by thinking about what I need to change about myself to make this lack of motivation go away. Unsurprisingly, that did not work. 

One thing I had decided to start doing since this last General Conference was take a specific name of Christ upon me every week. Someone talked about that in their talk & I really liked the idea. I was sitting in personal study on this rather unmotivated day and I tried to pick a name for this week. 

Somehow I ended up on Exemplar 

I started reading some Bible dictionary & topical guide things, and read the verses they referred to. I thought to myself: ok Ada. You are supposed to be a leader. You are supposed to be an example. Be an exemplar. 

Then the spirit spoke to me. 

No. He was the Exemplar. 

All he asks is that we follow Him. 

One of the verses I read in my study was this: "Whosoever will come after me, let him deny himself, and take up his cross, and follow me."

I gained a greater appreciation for this verse as I read it. Christ invites us to follow Him. He invites us to be like Him. He invites us to carry our cross. 

That does not mean we carry His cross. We don't need to put our personal, individual, cross on our backs and then find ways to add more weight to it, until we finally feel like we're carrying what the Savior carried. Because we will never make it there. No, not even close. 

He is the Ultimate Exemplar. His is the example we ought to follow. 

Of course He wants us to become great missionaries and great leaders. He will use us to teach others. But what we teach others will never be as important as what He teaches them. 

So rather than seeing everything He is as everything I'm not, I will give myself grace. His grace. 

Because grace is that enabling power that helps us to become. 

Grace is also a measurement. We grow grace for grace. Line upon line. 

So yes. I recognize just how far away I am from perfection. And I don't like to be this far from it. But that is the purpose of this life, isn't it? To take up the cross we are given, and not pretend that adding more burdens to our backs will magically transform us in a day. Rather, we are to carry this cross for a lifetime. And we allow the circumstances He puts us in change us into who He wants us to be. 

The highs and lows will still come. Understanding grace doesn't just magically erase all feelings of inadequacy. But it does put things in perspective. 

We can become perfected through Him and only through Him. But His perfecting process takes time. We can't expect to be everything we've never been before after 1 day. It takes getting to know our Exemplar. 

If we want to be an exemplar, we ought first to see our Exemplar. 

If we want to understand how to be perfect, we should first understand He who was and is Perfect. 

That's when things fall into place. That's when His power kicks in. That's where you start becoming who He wants you to be.

Thanksgiving P-day in October