The Holy Ghost is real

Being Silly with the Primary Children during the Father's Day Song practice. 

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Quick summary:)

This week was also a busy week but I don't want to write a giant email like I did last week, so here are a few highlights:

Alba and Lucero have been preparing diligently for their baptisms next week! We've had a few good lessons with both of them and I love them both so much! 

I got to play piano for the primary kids because they were practicing their Father's day song. The ward pianist didn't end up coming to church either, so I played the hymns and the primary songs in church haha. 

We went over to this cute member family's house & helped the mom with some things around the house. They have 3 cute crazy boys and they both have big callings and he works in management for Jetblue so they're so so busy. It felt so good to help them out! 

We had a really fun Father's day activity on Saturday! Basically we just made the men play minute to win it games and we all laughed at them while they did it. We had yummy food and bishop's wife was so sweet and made us vegetarian chili.

Last, but not least, Kevin was baptized this week! See more in the Small Plates:)

Small plates

The Holy Ghost is real.

Kevin was baptized this week! The Elders in our ward were the ones who taught him, and we are so happy to be adding him to our ward family! His baptism was a really special experience. 

We had a ward activity right before the baptism, so there were quite a few people who stuck around to support him. Right from the start, the spirit was so strong. Kevin was really nervous but really excited. The YSA Elders brought their friend Emma, a really sweet girl they're teaching, so me and Hermana Jackson sat by her to make her feel happy & comfortable. She's so awesome. 

The Elders asked their recent convert of about a month to give the talk on the Holy Ghost. Just to give you some context on this man, he comes from very humble circumstances and a very humble education in his country. Back when the Elders were teaching him, they used to say they felt like he only had about 3 default phrases that he would respond with. That may have been an exaggeration, but the idea is that he was not very well-spoken. He had the biggest heart, but he's a man of few words. 

We've seen a change in him since he was baptized and received the Holy Ghost. We see a change in everyone after their baptisms, but I was just really struck by this man's experience. 

He got up to give his talk, and the spirit that was already there just filled the room with power. He spoke about the Holy Ghost and his talk was so beautiful and eloquent and I was blown away. I had never heard him express himself so well. 

The Spirit can take our weaknesses and turn them into strengths. Especially when those strengths are to be used to bear testimony of Truth. 

I felt the spirit so strong. And it wasn't just because of the words he was saying. It's because what he was saying is true. When we receive the gift of the Holy Ghost, we are promised the constant companionship of the Third Member of the Godhead. 

The Spirit always testifies of truth. So, if the Spirit is present, that means whatever is being taught or shared is true. And the spirit will testify whether we understand the words that are being said or not. 

That's what happened for Emma. She doesn't speak Spanish, but she came to the baptism to see how it is. She didn't understand a word of what they were saying, but the Spirit touched her heart. At one point in the baptismal service, she turned to us and said, "wow, I'm so emotional right now." All I said was, "can you feel it?" And pointed to my chest, which felt like it was about to burst open with joy. She nodded.

After the baptism, we stayed by her side and talked to her for a little while. She explained how she had felt. She said "I don't understand Spanish. But that spirit was so strong." She's so motivated to keep learning and keep progressing towards baptism! 

I love that the Spirit speaks to us regardless of whether or not we understand the words it is testifying of. There is a lot I don't understand, even in English. For the sake of illustrating an example, temple ordinances and covenants pretty much go over my head. But, I feel the spirit when I'm in the temple. Because the things we hear and learn and do in the temple are true and of God. And it's okay if we don't understand it all yet. If we just pay attention to how we feel, and recognize the testimony of the Spirit, that is enough. 

Knowledge comes line upon line throughout eternity. But after we receive the Gift of the Holy Ghost, truth can be known in an instant, so long as we are worthy of the companionship of the Spirit and in tune with His whispers. 

Although I don't know everything about this Church, I know it's true. Because the Spirit has told me so. And that is enough for me.

"Floating Activity" ( Sailor hats while dipping Oreos in milk )

Last Activity with one of our Senior Couples

Buena Ventura Primary- Father's Day Song Practice

Miracles!

 

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Life just keeps getting better and better

This week was so so good (surprise surprise). 

Also, a side note– as I am writing this I am also listening to the SeaWorld fireworks that we can watch from our study desks. I don't know how to express how amazing this mission is but I hope that gives you a glimpse of it. 

Pday was fun! We started off by playing Pickleball with the Welch's, a senior couple that lives in our complex. I love them to pieces. I lost in pickleball, but I still had fun! And I won later in the week so all is well;)

I also got to see some of my family of Pday! Naomi and her cute family were so sweet and took me and Sister Jackson our for lunch. Cutler showed me a lizard he caught! That, combined with his super awesome mullet, pretty much makes him the coolest kid ever. It was so good to see their family. I've only been gone 7 months or so but those kids have grown so much! And of course I love Naomi and Nate, my cliff jumping buddy, so much! If you are reading this, thanks again for lunch!!

Tuesday morning we went to say goodbye to the Gomez family, because they're heading out to Colombia for a vacation for a couple months, and we didn't know if we would be here when they came back. I was especially unsure because transfers are this week and since I've already been in this area 7 months, it was pretty much a given that I would be leaving (more on that later). I was sad to say goodbye to the Gomez family because I just love them so much! Its okay though, they told me I could go on a trip to Columbia with them after my mission:)

We also went to dinner with the Rosarios, some more of my favorite members. I've eaten with them every week of my mission thus far. They are definitely one of my favorite families. We got chinese food and it was super good! I think it's the first time I've had Asian food on the mission because all we eat is Hispanic food haha.

Wednesday was so great! We had a district council in the morning and wow. DC is always so motivating to me. I'm just a very goal-oriented person and it energizes me to see growth. Our district has grown so much this transfer. We've grown in unity, and we've grown into better missionaries. I've really come to love this district and it's been so good to serve around each of them. 

We also went over to Liduvi's on Wednesday. She was one of the miracles that we found in my training. We've been holding on to her for a really long time, and we don't really know how to help her. We didn't go into the lesson with much hope but she said she wants to start keeping commitments and getting closer to God! Please pray for her, that she will develop a habit of reading in the Book of Mormon and that she will make coming to church a priority. She knows baptism is the end goal, and she wants to prepare for it. She just isn't very committed yet to establishing the habits required for true conversion. 

We had dinner that night with the Pacheco-Ortega's. I love those two so much. They're just absolute sweethearts and my heart is always just so full when I'm around them. The food was delicious and their company is always so fun. Hermano Ortega works for Krispy Kreme so he gave us 4 boxes of donuts to take home!

Thursday was such a busy day! We started off by working at the Storehouse at 7:30 am. We had to leave early so we worked as fast as we could so we got a bunch of work done in about an hour. Working hard like that always gives me more energy though. I don't know what it is, maybe Coldstone messed me up, but I get just as much energy from working hard as I do from a good night's sleep. I said goodbyes to my Storehouse crew in case I got transferred. Elder Holladay was really sad to see me go :((

The reason we had to leave early is because we wanted to visit my best friend Carmen! She got baptized a few months ago but it has been really hard for her to come to church because of work. She has the best faith out of anyone I know, though. She'll be back at church soon. I simply cannot express how much I love her. We brought up transfers to her and we were all scared/sad about me leaving. I wasn't too worried about her though, because she wants to move to Utah. We'll definitely stay in touch. We have an arepa truck to run.

We had a video call lesson with Reyci later that day and he's already loving the Book of Mormon! We talked about what he has read. He had just finished 1 Nephi 8 when we called him so we talked about Lehi's dream and the importance of the covenant path. We ended up inviting him to be baptized!! He still feels like he has a lot of preparing and learning to do, and I'm excited to help him prepare!

That night for dinner we ate with Thais and her family! I wrote about this family a few weeks ago. They are one of the biggest miracles I've had on my mission. Thais called us out of the blue because her uncle, who was a member of the Church, had passed away. She wanted to learn more about the Plan of Salvation! The lesson went well a few weeks ago and they really wanted us to come back, they were just on vacation. The day all of them got back,  they reached out and invited us over for dinner! They are neighbors with some of the best members in our ward so the members came too! We had a yummy dinner and got to talking about why we're called Mormons. We explained what the Book of Mormon is and how it came to be and they were all just blown away by how cool it is that Christ visited this continent. It seems like they believed it all right off the bat. Unfortunately, the mission is out of Spanish Book of Mormons so we weren't able to give them one. But they're all coming to church and they want us to come back once we have books to give them their copies! This family has so much potential. They really love their old church, but they have so much faith and they're really good friends with maybe my favorite member in the ward--Anita. I'll keep you guys posted about them!

Okay, that's it for Thursday. I told you it was a lot. 

As for Friday, we started off with a Training Recap zoom because Hermana Jackson is finishing her training this week!! That literally flew by so fast. She's an awesome missionary and she's only been out 3 months. We also had a mission devotional over zoom. It was the last one of the transfer, so some of my favorite missionaries gave their departing testimonies: Elder and Sister Cluff, and Elder Jensen. I'm going to miss all 3 of them so much! 

Later that day, we sat down to do some weekly planning. We are teaching so many good people right now! Throughout the week, me and Hermana Jackson had come to the conclusion that I would be leaving. I was actually completely unsure if I would be leaving or staying, but I wanted to stay. So, I convinced myself I would be leaving. That way, I would either be right, or pleasantly surprised! As we were planning for the people I was convinced I was leaving, we got the email about transfers. Let's just say I was pleasantly surprised!

I'M STAYING IN BUENA VENTURA!!!

That means I will serve half of my mission in my first area, and I couldn't be more happy about it. I love this ward with all my heart and frankly, I never want to leave it. I also love Sister Jackson so much! She's so fun to serve around and we make a good team. Stay tuned for all the miracles we're going to see next transfer!

That night we went over to the Martinez family's home. They're like family to me. Hermano Martinez reminds me a lot of my uncle Nate for some reason, so that really adds to the effect. They made us super yummy food and I ate so much of it. They also let me and Sister Jackson walk their dog, Coco. He can do a handstand which I think is pretty cool.

Saturday was another crazy busy day. We started off the morning by visiting Wendy and Andres! They haven't been able to come to church because they've been moving but they want to start coming every week! Andres is going to get the Aaronic priesthood so that means he'll get to help pass the sacrament! 

We went straight from their house to see Carmencita (Rosario)! She wanted help cleaning out her pantry to prepare for hurricane season. It was so chaotic. I love her so much and I wish we could have stayed with her and helped her clean all day. She was so happy to hear that I would be staying another transfer! 

We left her house to go to Rene's baptism!! Rene is a man who the Elders taught and his baptism was so special! It was a little crazy at first because the water pressure in the faucet was about 30% of what it normally is for some reason, so the font was nowhere near as full as it needed to be. When we got there, some of our missionary friends were filling up 5 gallon coolers from the spicket outside of the church building and dumping them in the font. The craziness went away as soon as we started the service, though. It was so spiritual and Rene bore his testimony at the end and he was so happy!

After the baptism we had a pass off lesson with some other hermanas. They were teaching a really awesome guy, who's dad was a member. His dad passed away a little while ago and the son (his name is Richard) wanted to learn more about his dad's church. They gave him a book of Mormon before we met and he had already read 11 chapters before the lesson! He also invited his son and daughter in law and their cute girl to come to the lesson. It was a good lesson and they all seem really interested in the gospel!

Sunday was one of the busiest days of my mission. We set up our first lesson with our friend Lucero before English class. She is the sweetest Colombian lady and was already familiar with the church. Her daughter is a member and she has some friends who were recently baptized into the ward in the stake next to ours. We started talking about her experience with the church and she bore a really powerful testimony about how the Spirit has made her feel like she found the right church. The member we had there was able to converse with her and we all just shared our thoughts and feelings about the Spirit. We ended up asking Lucero to be baptized! She was so happy and she feels really food about her decision. Please keeo her in your prayers as she prepares!

English class was a ton of fun, because the only students were Alba and Lucero, both of which are the sweetest people ever and theyre both going to be baptized on the same day, and Oscar, who was baptized about a month ago. My heart was full. 

Church was really great and a lot of the people we are teaching came! They all had a great experience. We also got a new Relief Society presidency and I'm really excited about it. I admire each member of the presidency so much and I'm excited to see the miracles that are going to happen.

After church we went over to a member's house to teach some of their friends. This is the same family & friends as last Sunday! Except this time they had even more friends over! Everyone got there super late which was kind of frustrating, but the small spiritual thought wenwere able to share ended up being super powerful! We talked about prayer and helped teach everyone to pray. It was so incredible to hear one of the people we are teaching offer the closing prayer before we left. 

We ended the night at Bishop's house. I've said it before and I'll said it again: I love their family so much. They genuinely feel like my family and I'm so grateful for them. They were all so happy I'm staying another transfer!

Small Plates

Miracles!

I was reading in Moroni this week and I loved these verses:

"Wherefore, my beloved brethren, have miracles ceased because Christ hath ascended into heaven, and hath sat down on the right hand of God, to claim of the Father his rights of mercy which he hath upon the children of men?...Behold I say unto you, Nay; neither have angels ceased to minister unto the children of men."

You guys! Our God is a God of miracles!! 

Miracles are EVERYWHERE. All we have to do is seek, expect, and recognize them. Our Heavenly Father loves us so much and He wants nothing but to bless us. 

There's not much more I can say. Miracles are happening in this area and all over the world. If you're feeling weighed down, this is my one piece of advice: look for a miracle today. Write it down. And thank your Heavenly Father for it. As we recognize more miracles, more miracles enter into our lives. I know it's true. Let Him bless you!

Uncle Nate and Aunt Naomi took me to lunch while they were vacationing Orlando

Carmencita (Rosario)

Carmen!

Hermano Martinez

The pattern of learning

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Zone conference, graduation, and goodbyes 

Pday last week was tons of fun! We went to Universal CityWalk and walked around and soaked up the sun. Add Universal to the list of reasons why the Florida Orlando Mission is the best mission in the world;)

We also had a zone conference this week! It was our last one with the Ashcrafts and I am honestly kind of heartbroken about it. I love them so much. I learned a lot of really good things about being bold and spirit-guided, especially when inviting people to be baptized. I'm hoping to see some changes in myself and in my teaching abilities going forward.

We started teaching a lot of cool people this week! One of them is Kaitlyn (although that's not how she spells it in Spanish). She is so sweet! We met her in our complex and she was outside watching her cute little girl Madi play on the playground. She has such an open heart and she is super interested in what we are teaching! We had a lesson with her again later in the week and met her cute son Ian and he is a HOOT. That boy can talk and it's so funny. This family has a lot of potential. 

We also got to help our friends Rocío and Victoria this week! Victoria graduated from fifth grade so we helped her get ready for her graduation and then we went to it with them! We braided her hair super fancy and then met up with them later for the graduation. We had somewhere else to be for the last part of it, so we left early and then met them for ice cream after. It was such a fun day.

Speaking of Rocío and Victoria, they came to church again and it was such a miracle! They weren't planning on coming because they were having car troubles, but long story short they decided to stop by at the church to say hi, and then ended up staying for Sacrament meeting! And they said their favorite part of it was the Sacrament! Another part of the miracle is that when they were sitting down and waiting for it to start, some members sat behind them and they totally knew each other!! Rocío is going to an esthetics school right now, and the members actually own and manage the school! They were so nice to her and told her if she ever needed anything that she could reach out to them. It was a tender mercy. We have kind of felt like we've hit a roadblock with Rocío and Victoria, and we didn't know how to get past it. We've just been praying for them to be able to find a genuine member friend who can help them understand the magnitude of the importance of the restored gospel. And it happened! I'll keep you updated on how this week goes with their new member friends! 

That miracle was one of many that we saw this Sunday. It was such a good day. And it ended at the Cajas house, which is always so awesome. I love Bishop Cajas and his dear wife and their kids so much. I would die for them. We were all enjoying each other's company when Elder Jensen and Elder Ebana came over. They came because they got a call from President Ashcraft yesterday, and Elder Jensen will be finishing the last 3 weeks of his mission in another area. I'm pretty sad about it. Elder Jensen and I have been in the same ward for the first 7 months of my mission, so it will be hard to see him go. Needless to say, I may have shed a tear or two at the Cajas house. It'll be good though. It was actually an answer to prayers. And it'll make other changes in the future less hard. I've officially been in the district longer than anyone else. I've seen the whole group turn around. No one that was here when I got here is still around.

Mission life is weird. It's so good and so fun and so full of change. Change can be hard but if I've learned anything out here in Florida, it's that change is good. God always has something better in store for His children. 

Speaking of change, MY BROTHER IS MARRIED!! Avery and Haley got married on Saturday and I got to call for a bit to say hi and wish them well. I'm so happy and excited for both of them. I love you both!!

Small Plates

The pattern of learning

When Christ visited the American continent, the people were so eager to learn from Him. After he appeared to them they gathered together to hear him teach. His teachings to this people are contained in several chapters of the book of Third Nefi. One part of this era in the Book of Mormon that really caught my eye this time around were these three verses in chapter 17:

"1 Behold, now it came to pass that when Jesus had spoken these words he looked round about again on the multitude, and he said unto them: Behold, my time is at hand.

2 I perceive that ye are weak, that ye cannot understand all my words which I am commanded of the Father to speak unto you at this time.

3 Therefore, go ye unto your homes, and ponder upon the things which I have said, and ask of the Father, in my name, that ye may understand, and prepare your minds for the morrow, and I come unto you again"

Verse three in particular caught my attention. Christ basically gives the people a pattern for learning. All they want is to keep being taught by Him, but He knew better. They were human. They were imperfect. Their capabilities were finite. But He knew how to help them learn to the best of their abilities. 

Step 1: "go ye unto your homes."

Or, in other words: put yourself somewhere (physically, spiritually, and emotionally) that will allow you to be taught by the spirit.

Step 2: "ponder upon the things which I have said."

Think about what you have heard and learned up to this point. Does it make logical sense? Is there evidence, big or small? How could this knowledge benefit your life? How can I apply what I already know to strengthen my understanding of it?

Step 3: "ask of the Father, in my name, that ye may understand."

Pray to you Heavenly Father and ask Him to open your mind unto understanding. He, the Father of your spirit, the co-creator of your mind, will give you enhanced capabilities to understand eternal doctrines and principles. 

Step 4: "prepare your minds for the morrow."

Make room in your mind for more. Don't fill your minds with intelectual blocks or distractions. Make your mind a fertile ground for understanding, whether that be through going on a walk, getting some exercise, getting some rest, or whatever else it may be that will prepare your minds. 

Step 5: "I come unto you again."

This was His promise to the people, and it can be a promise to us as well. As we learn how to learn, we become more capable of learning. It's a wordy sentence but it articulates the truth. As we deepen our understanding through prayer, study, and faith, our heart and minds are better prepared to recieve more knowledge, "line upon line, precept upon precept, here a little and there a little; and blessed are those who hearken unto my precepts, and lend an ear unto my counsel, for they shall learn wisdom; for unto him that receiveth I will give more."

My invitation this week is to make a conscious, careful effort to learn something new about our Savior Jesus Christ and His gospel. I know you will be blessed as you do so, for, "The glory of God is intelligence, or, in other words, light and truth."

Service, sealing and so many miracles!!!

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This was easily the busiest week of my mission.

What a wild week. I genuinely don't know how to express to you just how busy this week was. We always have stuff going on every hour of every day, so I didn't think it was possible to work overtime as a missionary. Apparently it is.

Also, I just want to preface this by saying that it really was a good week and I'm not complaining. There was just a lot going on and my brain definitely got overloaded, so I was very tired by the time the end of the week came around. I've also been sick which just added to the chaos of it all. I'm almost better now though!

We had tons of service projects this week, in addition to an overwhelmingly large teaching pool. We helped at the bishops storehouse, as we do every week. We also helped make some content for the mission Facebook page (keep an eye out for that next week!), and participated in the largest clothing drive I've ever seen. I don't remember the exact number, but we sorted and prepared about 15,000 clothing items to donate to people and charities. The service coordinator in our stake is incredible and I want to be like him when I grow up. It was a really fun project and we got to see almost all the missionaries in our stake which is always fun! It's pretty rare to have a service project big enough to need that many missionaries. I also don't know the exact number of missionaries that were there but I would guess it was almost 50. Seriously, it was so fun. 

We also got to go to a sealing this week!! It was such an incredible experience and it was really great to be able to go to a sealing here in Orlando because I'll be missing Avery & Haley's sealing later this month. The sealing was for some recent converts who went inactive years back but were reactivated by some missionaries a while back and finally made it to the temple this last month!! I'm so happy for them and it has been such a blessing to be able to see them progress and strengthen each other as they go. I love them both so much. 

I could go on and on about what went on this week, but there's just no way I could ever be able to articulate how crazy it was. So just imagine the craziest week ever, and then multiply it by 10. And then add a little bit. That's what my week was.

Small Plates

What it means to be an instrument in His hands.

So, what did I learn from a week such as this? 

God is in charge of His work. 

I'll be honest. I have felt really guilty, and dare I say inadequate, this week. Being sick really slowed me down and having so many service projects and member activities really filled up our schedule. I tried to have a good attitude about it all, and I think I did a good job, for the most part. But I still couldn't help but think to myself, often, that I needed to be in a lesson. I have apparently developed this mentality in the last few weeks that if I'm not in a lesson every possible moment of the day, I am not a successful missionary. 

This perspective is coming from a good place, but I've put too much pressure on myself and on this "ideal schedule" that I have fabricated for myself. Of course it's good to be in lessons. That's what missionaries do. They teach people. And where we have such a large teaching pool, it's good to be in lessons as often as possible so we're capable of keeping our friends progressing. 

But like I said, I think I took it too far. 

Or maybe it would be better explained by saying that I had anticipated that a greater portion of the control would have been mine. I thought my life was in my hands. I thought the progress of my people was in my hands. 

I had willingly and forcefully been putting extra weight on my shoulders. Weight that no one else asked me to bear. 

I got so worried that the momentum in this area was going to fall flat because I wasn't doing enough. 

And the worst part is, there was practically nothing I could do about it. I couldn't change our schedule. I couldn't change the timing of service projects. I couldn't just decide to stop being sick. 

I couldn't control the uncontrollable. 

So I didn't.

I was forced to live with exactly what I had been given (which is actually how it always is and always has been).

And guess what?

God's work carried on. 

Thursday night at a ward activity, we had the most incredible lesson with a man we met on Facebook. He is so prepared for this Gospel. He eagerly came to church last Sunday and he loved it. He had left his other church months ago because He felt like he was missing something there. He didn't feel like it was true. When he came to church, he felt the spirit. He felt that this is where he wanted to be. He changed his work schedule so he could come to our activity this Thursday. He already knew a little bit about the church, so he had a lot of really good questions for us. He loved everything we said. He loved that everyone in our church serves in a calling out of service instead of for payment. He loved that we have a prophet today. He loved that we baptize by authority. He loved the idea of Fast Sunday and fast offerings. He loved the word of wisdom. He loved everything. We didn't even get to explain the more fundamental concepts like the Restoration or the Plan of Salvation or the Gospel. He was so enamored with all of the selfless things that members of the church willingly and enthusiastically participate in, that he said he wants to be baptized in this church once he knows a little more. We introduced the Book of Mormon in simple terms and invited him to read the introduction during the week before we met with him again. He read the whole intro that night. He has such an open heart and he has been so perfectly prepared to hear this message. 

As if that miracle wasn't good enough, this Sunday was a huge day of miracles. Oscar was confirmed a member of the church and received the gift of the Holy Ghost. His confirmation was done by a recent convert who just received the Melquisedec Priesthood. Andres was sustained to receive the Aaronic priesthood. All of our new converts are progressing so beautifully. I love them so much. 

We also had a man named Daniel come to church today who apparently saw an ad for the church like 30 years ago and woke up this morning and decided today was the day he was going to go to church. From what I understand he doesn't live super close to our chapel, but he knew that's where he needed to be. He got there and one of the first people to talk to him was the ward mission leader. He explained a little bit about our beliefs, emphasizing that we have a living prophet and that Christ directs this church. He bore testimony that he knows this church is the true church on the earth today. Daniel loved it. He said that's what he has been looking for. Then, to add to his experience, it was a fast and testimony meeting. Time and time again, he heard members say with emotion in their voices, "I know without a doubt that this is the true church on the earth today."

The spirit was in that room. And our visitors felt it. We went to Sunday school after, and Daniel loves the Bible, so Come, Follow Me was so good for him. Our Sunday school teacher is one of the smartest women I've ever met and he loved her lesson so much. He downloaded Gospel Library in the middle of the class because he loved how our church gives its members so many resources.

To top it all off, the members did such a good job welcoming these people in. We had 8 new people in church yesterday. That's too many for us missionaries to handle gracefully. The ward welcomed them in like they had been there their entire lives. David ended up going to dinner at the Martinez families home that night. We stayed after church for over half an hour just talking to ward members, or rather, watching them talk to our friends and welcome them into the fold. 

I love this ward so much. I don't have the vocabulary sufficient to express the love I feel for them. My heart is so full. Sunday was exactly what I needed. My mind, body, and heart were all so drained and beaten down by the end of the week. I was convinced that we had failed. I had let our people slip out of my grasp. 

I put all of these burdens on my own shoulders, and then I was disappointed when I couldn't carry them all. 

I allowed myself to think that I was guilty, that I was even capable, of hindering God's work. But I'm not. He uses me for what He needs me for. And at the end of the day, it's actually up to Him to make the work move forward.

Because although He uses me as an instrument in His hands, He will always be the musician.