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| One Year as a Missionary |
I was sick but our friends are awesome!
This week was a strange one for sure. I've been sick all week, so everything has felt like a fever dream haha. Here's some of the highlights, though:
Graciela, Juseli, and their family are so awesome! We went over on Monday night to have a lesson with them, and we brought 2 members with us: George and Nico Amyradakis. Nico is one of the young men in the ward, and we wanted him to get to know Pablo, Juseli's son. The lesson was great, and Graciela has been reading the Book of Mormon!! She told us all about Lehi & Nephi, and Hermano Amyradakis was absolutely blown away. I would definitely say that our miracle for the week was how many of our friends have been reading the Book of Mormon!
Speaking of which, Rosalba is so awesome!! A while back we had a lesson with her & a member, and the member said "Heavenly Father gives us 24 hours every day. Certainly we can give him 5 minutes." Ever since then, Rosalba has been reading and studying so much! She also really loves the story of the First Vision, so we sent her the video. She watched it, and loved it! She told us she watched the video on YouTube and then started exploring more, and we got scared that she had run into some anti, but then she told us she actually watched Joseph Smith, the Prophet of the Restoration! That's a whole 90 minute movie that the church made and she watched it all!! She was telling us about it and literally started to cry because she was so impacted by the story. She said she would like to be baptized someday, but doesn't feel ready yet. Please pray for her, that she can keep progressing and growing in her faith!
Another friend we are teaching is Dana. She is a Venezuelan Muslim (the first one that I've ever met, or even heard of). She likes to read and was very interested in the Book of Mormon! She's really sweet. She's like 26, so it's easy to be friends with her. I'm really curious to see how she progresses. She's pretty set in her beliefs, which include Christ being a prophet but not necessarily the Savior, nor the Creator. But, I have faith that if she will read the Book of Mormon with real intent, and pray about it, that she will come to know that it is true, and therefore understand that Jesus is the Christ, the Savior of the world:)
If anyone has any tips on how to teach a Muslim, please send them my way!! I've never really taught someone without a Christian or Catholic background.
I wont give you a rundown on our whole teaching pool, but let me just tell you: we have some really cool friends right now:)
We also had MLC this week!! I love MLC. It was strange this time, though. Because all of the people that were once my leaders are now home from their missions, so everyone at MLC is pretty much from my generation of the mission, or even younger. It's strange. I don't feel like I've been here that long, yet somehow I have. Anyway, MLC was good! We got to have a good discussion and make some exciting goals & plans! Keep your eyes out for miracles from the FOM!!
Also. Happy Halloween!!
Small Plates
He sees you.
It's weird, being a missionary.
You stand out like no one else.
It feels like your every move is being watched, measured, and analyzed.
Yet, at times it feels that you couldn't be more invisible.
Allow me to explain: to be a missionary is to be a full-time representative of Jesus Christ and His church. We dress differently. We do things that most other 20-year-olds aren't doing. The people who don't know us can't help but feel curious. The people who think they know us feel that they can make a fair judgment of what we think and want. Our mission leaders, our companions,–all of the people who know us best– are watching out for us, while at the same time analyzing us, seeing where we can improve and thinking about how to help us do so. We're constantly reflecting: on our strengths, our weaknesses, our goals, our shortcomings. Every move you make is observed.
On the other hand, being a missionary also makes you invisible. We take away our names, our hobbies, our fashion sense, our music, and at times pieces of our personality for the sake of maintaining the dignity we ought to have as His representatives. We're observed, watched, looked at. But although people watch us, sometimes it feels that we aren't seen. Not for who we really are, at least.
Even we, as individuals, often don't see ourselves truly. We are too harsh on ourselves, too quick to notice the flaws. We are slow to recognize strengths and talents and progress. We can observe 100% of ourselves, and choose to only focus our attention on the things we don't like, or wish we could change.
Being so meticulously observed and judged doesn't feel good. At the same time, feeling invisible might be worse. Living a life full of both experiences can make you feel like climbing into your bed and hiding, or shouting at the top of your lungs until someone hears you, or running as far and as fast as you can just to see for yourself if the grass really is greener on the other side. Maybe it feels like a little bit of each, all at the same time.
I imagine that these feelings aren't unique to me, nor are they unique to missionaries. In fact, I know they are not.
I knew others were feeling that same invisibility I have felt, because as our Sunday School teacher, Brother Eckert, taught the class yesterday, tears filled nearly every eye in that room. And that's when I knew. I am not the only one who feels this way. I realized as I sat between two of my favorite sisters in the ward and hugged them both as they cried, that this world could use a little less judgment, analysis, and watching. It needs more seeing, as the Savior sees. That Sunday school class is the reason I'm writing this today. Because if there is anyone out there who is feeling the same way that I, and those dear sisters in my ward, have felt: I hope this helps.
This week I've (re)learned a lot about how the Savior sees.
I've learned that there is someone who really does see us for who we are. Christ knows us better than we know ourselves. That's because He knows who we were before this life. He knows who we have the potential to be. He knows the pain, and sorrow, and frustration we are feeling along the way, because He felt those things first. He knows all of our imperfections. He knows where we fall short, as we so frequently do. And He still loves us. No matter who we are, or where we've been, or what we've done. He loves us.
Every step of the way.
We can learn a little lesson from the Creation: after each day of creating the Earth, what does God say?
It was good.
The first time he said "it is good," the earth was nothing more than a big rock. But He still saw the good. He saw that the big rock was a huge step closer to the Creation He had envisioned. He saw progress.
He worked hard, day after day, to make this world better than it was the day before. And He saw the good each and every day.
He's doing the same thing with you, you know.
You are good. Your Father in Heaven is proud of who you are becoming. But, you're not there yet. So, He is going to keep working on you. He's going to make you better.
But don't allow yourself to be overwhelmed by your lack! He didn't look at a day 1 earth and exclaim, "ah!! Why can't it just have all of the herbs and plants and animals already?!?"
No. He saw the good on day 1. And again on day 2. Each day was its own form of good. And each day built upon the day before it. So it is with us.
He does see our lack. But more importantly, He sees our potential, and knows exactly how to get us to where He wants us to be: with Him.
He sees us.
For who we really are and who we really can become.
You may be wondering what it is that made our Sunday school lesson so impactful. Our discussion was about a well-known story in the Gospel of Luke, chapter 7.
Luke tells a story about Christ eating with a Pharisee. As they dined, a woman entered in, uninvited. She wasn't just any woman, either.
She was a sinner.
Big-time, too.
She knew it.
And so did everyone else there.
No one knew that better than Christ.
Yet, she entered in, and washed Jesus' feet with her tears. The Pharisee, whose dinner she just interrupted, observed her. His observation led to a judgement--one that was completely valid to him.
He thought to himself, if Jesus only knew who it was that is touching His feet, he wouldn't allow her to do so. Maybe He doesn't know. Maybe he isn't the prophet He says He is, after all. How can He not know what this woman has done?
Jesus, knowing the thoughts of this Pharisee, responded aloud with a parable about judgement, and about divine forgiveness. He explained that this woman loved Him because He is the One who had freed her, forgiven her.
After chatting a moment with his dinner company, he asks a simple question:
Seest thou this woman?
It wasn't a question about if the Pharisee had good eyesight. Or if the woman was in his line of sight. No.
Do you see her?
Or are you just observing her? Judging her?
Christ saw this woman. He knew her sins. He knew her lack. But that's not what he saw. He saw her for who she really was, and who she really could be.
Do you see yourself?
Or are you just observing, judging? Can you see yourself the way Christ sees you?
He sees 100% of the picture. He knows your past. Your mistakes, your trials, your pain, your imperfections. He sees it all. And guess what? At the end of each and every day, He takes a step back and sees what we have done, and what He has done in us. And then?
It is good.
He sees the good. Every. Single. Day. Because you are becoming who He knows you can be, who He wants you to be. It's an infinite process. It doesn't end. But that's the beauty of it. We're never going to cross some finish line and plateau in our progress. Because His grace is just that infinite and that powerful. It will carry us every step of the way, forever and ever.
And He'll be with us every step of the way. We are seen by him. We are fully known. We are completely loved. We are not judged by Him the way we are judged by the rest of the world. And we are not invisible to Him.
He knows you. He loves you. He is with you.
He sees you.
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